Some leaders believe that having all the answers is the very definition of good leadership. They are decision-makers, problem-solvers, experts. But what happens when the leader always has the answer? Often, the opposite of what you want. Employees become passive, dependent, and show little initiative.
Coaching-style leaders turn this on its head. Instead of providing solutions, we ask questions. We help employees find the answers themselves, so that they develop independence, ownership, and a sense of mastery. This isn’t just a modern leadership trend – it’s a necessity.
Coach or Boss?
Being a leader doesn’t mean we should always know best. It means we should help those around us think better. That’s the difference between a boss and a coach.
Imagine the following situation: An employee comes to you and says, “I’m not sure how to handle this customer. What should I do?”
The traditional leader would answer quickly: “Call the customer, offer a discount, and make sure they’re happy.” Problem solved – for now.
A coaching-style leader, on the other hand, would reply: “What have you tried so far? What do you think would work best in this situation?” Suddenly, the employee has to think for themselves. Learn. Take responsibility. Next time a similar situation arises, he or she will be better equipped to find the solution on their own.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it this way: “It’s not what happens to us, but how we react to it that matters.” When we help employees develop their own ability to handle challenges, we’re not just giving them a solution – we’re giving them a skill.
From Bottleneck to Independence
Kristin, a team leader at a Norwegian tech company, had a problem. Her team kept coming to her for decisions they could have made themselves. “Which solution should we choose?” “How should we handle this error?” “Can you approve this?”
Kristin felt like a constant bottleneck. Her workdays were filled with a never-ending stream of clarifications, and she felt she had little time to do what she was actually supposed to do: strategy and development.
Eventually, she decided to change her approach. Instead of giving answers, she started asking questions. When a developer came to her with a problem, she didn’t respond with the solution, but with: “What would you do if I weren’t here?”
At first, the team was frustrated. They were used to getting quick answers. But after a few weeks, they started thinking differently. They asked each other questions, evaluated different solutions, and took ownership of their decisions. The result? Kristin had more time to be a strategic leader, and the team became more self-sufficient.
“What would you do if I weren’t here?”
Marcus Aurelius wrote: “You have power over your mind – not over outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” The same applies in leadership. When we let go of the urge to control everything, we give our team the chance to grow.
When Mistakes Become Learning
Thomas, a store manager in a large Norwegian chain, had an employee, Camilla, who repeatedly made mistakes in product orders. Previously, Thomas would point out the mistake and explain how to avoid it. That seemed logical – yet the same errors happened again and again.
This time, he tried a new approach. When Camilla made a mistake, he didn’t tell her what she should do differently. Instead, he asked: “What do you think happened here?”
Camilla had to think it through. She began reflecting on her own work habits and realized for herself what she could do differently. Thomas continued with open-ended questions: “What can you do to avoid this happening again?” “What can we learn from this?”
Gradually, Camilla began to develop better routines. The mistakes became fewer. Not because Thomas had corrected them, but because she herself had learned how to prevent them.
As Seneca said: “If a man does not know to which port he is sailing, no wind is favorable.” When we help employees navigate challenges themselves, we give them a map – not just a solution.
How to Make Coaching-Style Leadership Part of Everyday Life
Coaching-style leadership isn’t a method we use once in a while – it’s a way of being a leader. It requires practice, and it requires a conscious shift in how we communicate.
The first step is to create a culture of reflection. Instead of evaluating work with “good” or “bad,” we can ask questions like:
“What worked well?”
“What could we have done differently?”
“What did we learn from this?”
When reflection becomes a natural part of the workday, we build an organization that learns from experience, rather than repeating the same mistakes.
Next, we need to practice active listening. Often, we listen with one half of our brain and plan our response with the other. In coaching-style leadership, we need to be present in the conversation, ask follow-up questions, and show that we truly hear what the employee is saying. The Stoics offered a simple piece of advice: “We have two ears and one mouth – use them in that proportion.”
Finally, we must practice asking questions instead of providing solutions. The next time an employee comes to you with a problem, try this: Take a pause, smile, and ask a question instead of giving an answer.
The Future of Leadership
In a world that’s constantly changing, we need leaders who develop people – not just manage them. When we lead through questions, we create teams that think for themselves, take responsibility, and continually grow.
And perhaps most importantly: we no longer have to be the only ones in the team who have all the answers – and might even enjoy a whole coffee break without interruption.
